I think whilst sitting alone on this Christmas Eve (waiting for H-bombs Christmas jumper to finish in the washing machine) I may finally be understanding the magic of Christmas. The magic of Christmas is the magic of being a parent. Tonight I’ve assembled toys, wrapped parents, left out Santa’s snacks and carried a very tired toddler up to his bed. My boys are both in bed, I’m having a very rare quiet hour to myself. The presents are all in place and as I sit here and read I can’t help but be a little bit excited at seeing the look on H’s face when he walks in the room tomorrow morning. It’s hard to believe that on this day three years ago I was in hospital having my pre-eclampsia monitored full of all of the fears of becoming a first time mum
(And worrying about not having a Christmas dinner). And my god how my life has changed in these 3 short years. I have never been happier. There’s been ups and downs and highs and lows. But there’s also been first words, first steps, teething, tantrums, laughter (hours and hours of infectious laughter), cuddles, stories, play times, new friendships, old friendships, learning, growing and such an abundance of love. This year I’ve seen my idol in concert, lived 3 very long months without the love of my life during our trial separation, started college, realised why the love of my life is the love of my life and asked him to come home, gained in confidence not only as a mother but also as a person in my own right and lived through the happiest year of my life. So tonight I’m starting a new tradition. A Christmas resolution (cos I’m rubbish at sticking to New Years ones). I promise to stop dwelling on the people who can’t be here this Christmas and fully enjoy the people who are. To not be sad about the people I have lost, but instead be deliriously happy about the people I have gained, my loves. So merry Christmas everyone, I hope you spend your day tomorrow doing exactly what you want to do, whether that’s scoffing with your family (like me) or sleeping all day nursing a hangover after partying all night (me ten years ago)!!!
I’m still not singing Christmas songs, watching Christmas films or sending Christmas cards though!
