1. They are at that in between stage where they’re not sure whether they are a baby or a child. Sometimes they are far too grown up for a cuddle and yet other times they fall asleep while being rocked in your arms.
2. Their favourite word is no. You ask them to get dressed… “No.” You ask them to tidy up… “No.” You ask them to eat their din dins… “No!”
3. Their second favourite word is why.
“H-bomb, eat your din dins…”
“Why mummy!”
“Because it will make you a big boy.” “Why?”
“Because I bloody well said so..”
4. They are fiercely independent. H wants to carry my shopping, walk the dog, bath himself and feed himself, even if it does mean dropping most of his dinner over himself. If I try to help out he will have a full on tantrum.
5. They know exactly what they want to do and how to do it. H amazes me with his ability to work anything technical, he’s a wizz kid on my iPad and controlling the tv. He could even give nanny 4parts (my mum) lessons on using TiVo!
6. And along with knowing exactly what they want to do they know exactly what they don’t want to do. H isn’t great at bed times, he even resorts to his cute “please mummy” begging that I can never resist.
7. Potty training! Every parent of a toddlers favourite two words. We are at that in between stage. H knows what he has to do but we have yet to have a successful number two on the potty. I know we aren’t the only parents going through this phase, I’ve seen far too many ‘proud pooh’ shots to think we are!
8.They like to leave their marks everywhere, snotty wipes in your jeans, toys in your bag and tiny bites out of the fruit in the fruit bowl!
9. They change their food habits more often than you change your socks. One day they love carrots, the next they spit them out declaring their hatred for them. This is particularly frustrating for nanny 4parts as each week she stocks up on h-bombs favourites only to have him refuse them at dinner time. Thank god she has my teenage brother at home still!
10. They hog your TV. Forget settling down to a bit of Downton Abbey in the evenings. For the foreseeable future your life will be filled with Peppa pig, Fireman Sam and Spongebob Square Pants. You need to work on your ‘zoning out’ skills as chances are you will watch the same handful of episodes 50 million times.
11. The family pet has now burrowed out a hiding place behind the sofa, they have become experts at spotting an oncoming child 5 miles away and will dart in their den as quick as a flash.
12. You have the ability to hold a tantrumming toddler to your body while either cooking dinner, folding laundry or carrying shopping!
13. A declaration of love is receiving your child’s bogey, which he spent a very long time rummaging for and is now super proud of himself for retrieving it.
14. You accept this declaration of love without the tiniest of hesitation. I mean what’s a bogey when you’ve been pee’d on, you’ve put your finger in pooh way too many times and you’ve used your hands as a bowl to catch sick! (Hope you’re not reading this ok your lunch break!!!)
15. You plan your home decor around your two year old. You have shelves that are out of their reach and wipe clean surfaces! Rugs and scatter cushions are ghosts of your previous lives, what’s the point when they wipe their food covered fingers all over them!
16. You start each day thinking you can spend the whole day playing with your two year old and catch up on the chores when they go to bed later. The reality is that you are so exhausted from calming tantrums, coaxing them to eat and cleaning up spilled drinks/snacks that you have just about enough energy to pour your wine into your glass.
17. There’s a really yummy bar of chocolate hidden in the kitchen cupboard. There is no way you are getting that bad boy out while your two year old is still awake. You do not need to share your choccy!
18. You find your possessions in strange places. Lost your tv remote? Try the biscuit tin, the toy box, refrigerator and even the washing machine. Don’t even get me started on my phone.
19. It’s that night of the week where you’ve actually got time for a relaxing soak in the tub instead of a rushed shower. But first you’ve got to tackle the absolute mountain of toys your two year old has in the bath. Is it really worth it?
And finally
20. You go to bed each day absolutely exhausted but knowing you’ve had yet another brilliant day. Ups and downs are a daily occurrence and you never have a day that goes exactly to plan but who cares. You have the slobbery kisses of your two year old, their arms round your neck, hearing their screams of laughter when daddy is tickling them, watching them be transfixed to the same cartoon you watched three times yesterday and hearing them say “mama look” in their sleep. You honestly wouldn’t change a single thing.
